so, you want to know more about fidelis, the mysterious webmaster of sugar pine seven dot neocities dot org? well, you've navigated to the correct place on this html nightmare.

these are the pronouns i use! if i don't know you, i'd prefer if you didn't use he/him for me. but if we are pals, i'd love if u did :D

• they/them/their/theirs/themself
• she/her/her/her’s/herself
• he/him/his/his/himself
• star/star/stars/stars/starself
• pika/pika/pikas/pikas/pikaself
• mew/mew/mews/mews/mewself
• angel/angel/angels/angels/angelself
• spark/spark/sparks/sparks/sparkself
• kit/kit/kits/kits/kitself

labels can be very comforting to me. part of it is my need for organization (OCD moments) and part of it might be that i spent so much time confused and in denial that being able to identify with a list of words makes me feel the warm fuzzies. who knows lmao

• gender non-conforming butch bisexual sapphic with a female preference.
• ambiamarous, very open to polyamory.
• nonbinary genderflux demigirl.
• genderfaer catgender nonpuer.
• demigender nonbinary woman.
• catgirlgender proxvir.
• angelgender transmasc azurgirl.

i'm happy you asked, internet stranger! short answer: a lot :D. long answer:

• i've been diagnosed with social anxiety, depression, and OCD
• i also suspect i may have ADHD but the jury's out on that one lol (i did score high enough on the diagnostic exam i was given to "have it" but i think my therapist disregarded it in favor of treating my depression + anxiety, which were more pressing issues at the time)
• i have an autoimmune disorder but i'm not gonna get more specific than that. it makes me fatigued though, so that contributes to me being the way i am lmao
• i also have an eye disorder but basically i just need to wear glasses and i'm fine for now
• this is less of a me issue and more of a "haha let's not think about that one" type-of-deal but my family is full of addicts. i am pretty sure that i have the same addictive tendencies (its genetic, if you didnt know) and i do make jokes about it sometimes. i'm fine, its just my way of dealing with it

this next section is gonna be about my personality type/astrology stuff! i don't neccessarily believe in all of this 100% but i think its a fun way to look at and analyze your own personality and compare it with others

according to the MOTIV test, i am a XCTIDEG personality type! (i actually got 50/50 on the materialistic vs ascetic scale). the following is what this says about me apparently.

sometimes are overly cautious; willing to take orders from others; feels controlled by powerful people; would not enjoy beng out on a sailboat during a storm; would not like to go hand gliding or bungee jumping; does not like bizarre things; feels they are unable to deal with things; speaks only when spoken to; worrier; does not face danger confidently; echo what others say; worries about things that have already happened; has little to say; enjoys being thought of as a normal mainstream person; prefers routine to variety; avoids danger; does not disregard rules; dislikes looking at themself in the mirror; lets themself be pushed around; has little to contribute; cares about the needs of others; more agreeable than average; would regret their behavior if they were to take advantage of someone impulsively; lets themself be used; fearful; safety conscious; puts work above pleasure; does what others want them to do; dislikes looking at their body; more likely than average to be on medication; frequently feels shame; loves order and regularity; more likely than average to be guided by superstitions; easily frightened; does not tell others what they really think; does not play tricks on others; unlikely to scheme against others; does things by the book; lets themself be directed by others; dislikes the unknown; good at saving money; afraid of many things; thinks they are not a special person; finds it necessary to please the people who have power; doesn't like holding friends accountable for their misbehavior; more likely to follow the crowd; not a show off; unwilling to take risks; sees to the needs of others first; prone to bursting into tears; does not make their own rules; cares what people think of them; has bad luck; does not like being alone; easily moved to tears; does not talk to a lot of different people at parties; dislikes talking about themself; gets upset when others notice how they look; bothered by difficult social situations; takes offense easily; does not know what's going on inside them; dislikes surprises; does not rebel against authority; waits for others to take the lead; does not enjoy the thrill of fearful situations; is nice to people they should be angry at; sticks to the rules; does not challenge things; prone to feeling guilty; helpful; does not feel spiritually connected to others; would rather save money than spend it; easily hurt; thinks they don't understand things; does not believe they are better than others; likes routine; needs the approval of others; backs down when threatened; maintains their spaces in an orderly way; goes out of their way for others; notices small visual details; prone to feeling that life has no meaning; cares what others think; afraid to draw attention to themself; easily intimidated; would enjoy being a hermit; checks over their work; very detail oriented; wants every detail taken care of; not spontaneous; able to concentrate; likes order; can't stand being late; unlikely to act at the expense of others; apologizes a lot; dislikes change; makes lists of things to do; feels uncomfortable when told they are important

pretty grim, huh? i think that this says something about the worst of me, but i have the ability to be a lot more than this. or at least i hope i do.

according to the 16 PERSONALITIES, i am an INFP personality type! i identify much more with this, though not totally. the link above will take you to the page i'm referencing when i talk about how this applies to me.

"INFPs, more than other iNtuitive Feeling types, are focused on making the world a better place for people. Their primary goal is to find out their meaning in life. What is their purpose? How can they best serve humanity in their lives? They are idealists and perfectionists, who drive themselves hard in their quest for achieving the goals they have identified for themselves."

• this is very accurate for me. i'm currently struggling with my career path, whether i want to do something i know would help people, which would make me feel good, but is it really my calling? is that really how i'd like to live? i'm not sure. i feel like i have wasted myself if i do not use my life to help others, but why do i feel this way? is it not good enough to have a good time and be happy for myself? i'm not sure.

"INFPs are highly intuitive about people. They rely heavily on their intuitions to guide them, and use their discoveries to constantly search for value in life. They are on a continuous mission to find the truth and meaning underlying things. Every encounter and every piece of knowledge gained gets sifted through the INFP's value system, and is evaluated to see if it has any potential to help the INFP define or refine their own path in life. The goal at the end of the path is always the same - the INFP is driven to help people and make the world a better place."

• i dont know how inuitive i am about people. this might be (read: def is) the social anxiety talking, but i feel like i am always misreading social situations and intentions. i would say that filtering everything through my value system and learning from experiences is something i do/am working on. i could certainly learn from my procrastinating... and yet here i am on neocities instead of doing my statistics homework. oops.

"Generally thoughtful and considerate, INFPs are good listeners and put people at ease. Although they may be reserved in expressing emotion, they have a very deep well of caring and are genuinely interested in understanding people. This sincerity is sensed by others, making the INFP a valued friend and confidante. An INFP can be quite warm with people he or she knows well."

• i would say that this is also accurate. i am there for my friends when they need me (at times to my own detriment) and i want to help them feel better and understand them better. i feel this way to an extent about all people, i am more compassionate than some expect when they first meet me (its the hyperempathy), but that goes double for my friends.

"INFPs do not like conflict, and go to great lengths to avoid it. If they must face it, they will always approach it from the perspective of their feelings. In conflict situations, INFPs place little importance on who is right and who is wrong. They focus on the way that the conflict makes them feel, and indeed don't really care whether or not they're right. They don't want to feel badly. This trait sometimes makes them appear irrational and illogical in conflict situations. On the other hand, INFPs make very good mediators, and are typically good at solving other people's conflicts, because they intuitively understand people's perspectives and feelings, and genuinely want to help them."

• i /am/ a both sides andy, thank you Jung OMEGALUL. truly, though, a lot of times i find myself in one of two places in a conflict: either i side with the person who is causing no/less harm, or i genuinely can see both sides. it made it hard to live out my debate kid fantasies, let me tell ya! i do think i come off as very emotional in arguments i have a personal stake in, which is usually seen to undermine my point, unfortunately. i'm a crybaby, i can't help it!! however, i do care about being right in arguments. i really really need to win arguments. its one of my toxic traits im working on, especially with regards to people who just like to argue. i /dont/ like to argue, i just want everyone to be kind. you'd think that wouldn't be such a big ask, and yet.

"INFPs are flexible and laid-back, until one of their values is violated. In the face of their value system being threatened, INFPs can become aggressive defenders, fighting passionately for their cause. When an INFP has adopted a project or job which they're interested in, it usually becomes a "cause" for them. Although they are not detail-oriented individuals, they will cover every possible detail with determination and vigor when working for their "cause"."

• now this one is a little too real lmao. i'm down with whatever (as long as we have a plan) until you're suddenly saying stuff that contradicts!!! if i care about something, a lot of the time i have very strong and personal feelings about it. i also do tend to focus very mmuch on something that i care about, i have an encyclopedic knowledge of some things i love, and yet when i have to memorize the phyla of sea life.... well. let's move on before my professor hears me.